My mate phoned 111 (UK) and told them she does not feel well.

She is a lazy sod, it is so she does not have to go to work Monday.

And now I have to go shop and run about after the lazy sod for the next week or so.

I pointed out that it must be a miracle that she has met the only 400 people who may have the Coronavirus, considering also she is a lazy sod and goes out when she has run out of crisps.

She spent all day Friday looking up the systems, until she has convinced herself she has them all.

I pointed out that the devil takes care of his own, and that ever since I have known her, even though I have had several colds, she has had none. In the better times, she would have been burnt at the stake for being a witch.

So my life for the next week or so is to run to the shops, while that lazy sod sits on her fat backside, watching TV, and giving out orders, along with the constant supply of complaints I shall get from her.